I woke up this morning a few minutes before my girls and in my half sleep, I realized I finally had it, the perfect post with which to start my blog. It was witty, insightful, deep and meaningful. With my very first post, I would impress and gain entry to the bloggy world.
I have been toying with starting a blog for a long time - I’ve been a reader for almost two years. But I don’t like putting myself out there, to be judged, to be seen. I only started commenting a few months ago, commenting and actually pushing the publish button, that is. I started reading blogs with my all time favorite Mom101 post, If you knew Mommy like I know Mommy. From there I quickly found my core favorites, Motherhood Uncensored, The Bloggess, Redneck Mommy, Whisky in My Sippy Cup. And the more I read these amazing women and their amazing writing, the more I felt this was something I could never do. I was funny, but only in person. I was shocking but only in context. I felt that who I am just wouldn’t translate into my writing.
But I starting falling for the women, these writers. I started following people on twitter, only to always feel like the girl following after the cool kids in grade school. “Look at me! I know I don’t have a blog but I’m can be cool! I’m funny, I’m witty, I’m insightful! I just don’t have that one thing that holds you in a community. I don’t have a blog.”
Looking back at what I just wrote, it seems like I am starting a blog to get in with the cool kids, to be yet another follower, to be noticed and liked. I am still searching for my me, the calm me, the confident me but the truth is, since moving back to the ski town I spent my 20’s in - I am regaining that confidence all on my own. I am/was a lift mechanic and built chair lifts all over North America and here, in this town, people know me and see me for who I am. I think I am taking this step to finally embrace who I am, that I am someone witty, and insightful and deep and meaningful.
Oh and that post I thought of when I woke? That amazing post? Gone under the jumping 3 year olds crushing morning love. Yet somehow, I’m still starting. Today, I am shifting everything.
Hello out there - I’m finally here.